Date #137: Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous
I loved to play fun gags or tricks on my dates. In years past when I would go out with a girl from another town I would play this little game where I’d tell the girl that I forgot my wallet and had to run back to my house real quick and pick it up. In the middle of my hometown there is a huge house called the Endicott Estate. The Endicott Estate is a grand 19th century mansion situated on a 15-acre panorama of lush green lawn that is punctuated by stately elm, spruce and weeping willow trees. I stole the last line and picture from their website. This house is ridiculously nice.
I would pull into the estate and tell the girl I’d be right back. The girls always had the same expression; it was a mixture of shock, disbelief, and excitement. I ran out without explaining and ran around the side. I’d wait a minute and the run back with my wallet out like I just grabbed it and somehow the wallet in my hand gave my story legitimacy.
They’d always ask if this was my house and I liked to say, “Most of the year, but we summer on the Vineyard.” Now this would always shock and amaze them, mostly because it didn’t fit with the car I was driving and my overall aesthetics. I said it with such confidence they always believed me. It was always a good laugh when I told them the truth. It set a fun tone for the evening.
It always worked so well that I decided to try it in my new home in California. I live in a really wealthy community despite my own person financial mediocrity. I rent an apartment near the beach and within a one minute walk are 10-50 million dollar homes. It’s pretty incredible so naturally I thought I’d give my old ruse another try.
I play the same wallet trick and this time it’s a house at the end of my street. Secluded and amazing with a great view of Torrey Pine State Beach. I play the lost wallet trick and I get the same reaction as the other girls. Everything was going as planned and then right before I was about to tell her about the joke, she goes into a long winded story that lasts just long enough for me to forget that I played a trick. We pull up to the bar and I just lose track and forget to tell her the joke. The timing was off and I completely lost the moment. We had a fair date, nothing of any consequences. A seemingly nice and normal girl, but not someone I wanted to date again.
I get a call the next day and I let it go to voicemail. She thanked me for a nice time. I sent her a text saying it was fun and thanks for getting together. The following day I get another call and this time I pick up (sometime I’m so stupid) she thanks me for the other night and asks me what I’m up to. I tell her I’m just at home working a bit. Then she tells me she outside my place and wanted to just stop by. What the Fuck, races through my mind. Who just stops by? Isn’t that against all etiquette? I wouldn’t want anyone just stopping by, never mind someone that I just met. They have phones now a days. I’m pissed and then I remember that I didn’t tell her the house bit was just a joke. She’s outside my house right now. I’m stumped? I grumble not expecting this and instead of thinking of a way out of this mess I start berating myself for being so stupid for picking up the phone. Finally, I tell her I’m heading to LA for the rest of the week on business and we can talk when I get back, but she wasn’t having it. Her persistence was scary. She said she just wanted a quick look at the view from my backyard. She can see from the bluff above that it must be amazing. I tell her she can hang out there all day when I get back but right now I have some important business to take care of and then I tell her that I’m sure she understands in order to hopefully to get her out of my fictitious driveway. She was relentless with phonecalls the next week. The house trick backfired horribly.